Relationship
with Others
Angela
Henry
EDAC
635
Ball
State University
Abstract
This paper explores
relationships with others in Adult Education. I will look at the different
published articles on why relationships with others are important both online
and offline. The published information will vary in different ways. One of the
ways is defining the difference between education for relationship and
education through relationship. I will explore what is meant by relationship, and
also discuss particular features of the relationships involving educators. The paper will focus on the importance of
relationships with others. This paper will examine why it is important for
scholars to research this topic.
When I decided to pick
relationships, I wanted to get a better understanding, of what it means when
relating to education. But first before digging into that, I need to look at
what relationships are and what they mean to me. Relationships are something
that so many of us take for granted, although we know exactly what it means to
us and what it means to others. Relationships are important, however they can also
be difficult to maintain and sustain. For me, it can bring joy and it can also
bring pain. According to George Goetschius and Joan Tash (1967: 137), in one of
the classic texts of youth work, provide us with a good starting point: ‘A
relationship is a connection between two people in which some sort of exchange
takes place’. In other words, there is some sort of link between people – and
it involves interaction. That connection may be something that we are born
into, such as is the case with families, or it might arise out of a particular
need. A classic example of the latter can be found in the marketplace. We might
want to buy bread, so we look for someone who can sell it to us. What is
interesting about this is that the two sides have different interests (buying
and selling). However, they can come together as their interests are compatible
– both can be satisfied. There is advantage to both in the link. We can also
see here the nature of the exchange – bread for money. At this sort of level
there is at first glance very little emotion involved. As George Goetschius and
Joan Tash (1967: 137) again say, a relationship ‘may be verbal, emotional,
physical or intellectual, and is often all of these’.
There a number of questions that can asked when
regards to relationships, when doing research, I found some similar questions
that were asked.
1.
Is there any purpose of having a relationship?
2.
Are both parties in agreement to the relationship?
3.
Can you find an emotional connection to the
relationship?
4.
What is the type of relationship you have?
5.
What is the time-frame of the relationship?
If
we then consider these questions with regard to educators then a number of
interesting aspects appear. To rephrase Biestek (1961: 6), the educative
relationship differs from others on a number of points. It differs from the
parent-child relationship in that it is temporary, and the emotional content is
not so deep and penetrating. It is unlike a friend-friend relationship in that
there is not quite the same degree of mutuality and equality. This is how
Biestek op cit. describes it in terms of casework:
The
caseworker and the client are fundamentally equal as human beings; but in the
casework situation the caseworker is the helping person, while the client is
the person receiving help.
The same
applies to educators. While there is some mutuality in the exchange – the
educator may learn as well as the ‘learner’ – the fundamental focus of the
exchange should be the learning of the student or participant.
Does it really matter when you
have a relationship with others, and how does that effect your education. In
doing my research, I found something that was very interesting. Two themes that
go together, education for relationship and education through relationship:
Education for relationship. The ability to
develop good and satisfying interpersonal relationships is seen as the main, or
a major reason for fostering learning. This has been one of the main themes
lying behind many informal educators concern with social education.
Education
through relationship.
Our relationships are a fundamental source of learning. By paying attention to
the nature of the relationship between educators and learners, it is argued, we
can make a significant difference. In particular, the quality of the
relationship deeply influences the hopefulness required to remain curious and
open to new experiences, and the capacity to see connections and discover
meanings (Salzberger-Wittenberg et al. 1983: ix).
The fundamental
purpose of the relationship lies in the fostering of learning in the group or
the individual that the educator is working with. First,
through the relationships people make they learn about
the interests, issues or enthusiasms that have brought them together. For
example, an informal educator may encourage a group to take part in an
‘adventure weekend’. As part of that experience the worker may invite them to
try canoeing. Because of the relationship they have with the educator, the
group is willing to try new activities. The worker may also encourage them to reflect upon
the experience
and
to gain new understandings. Second, a significant part of the learning will be
about the experience of relationships themselves. If take our example further,
it is quite likely that the educator will ask people to think about the
relationships in the group (if they need any encouragement!) – how they work
together and treat each other, who takes leadership roles and so on. In other
words, people learn about relationship through being in relationship.
The fundamental purpose of the
relationships
- Salzberger-Wittenberg
et al. (1983) have shown, fundamental emotions are involved in learning
and run through the relationships of educators and learners. Learning can be
painful as well as exciting. Educators, thus, have a particular role to play in
creating environments in which powerful feelings of fear and pain can be
contained. Informal educators may well try to create places of sanctuary,
spaces where people feel safe. One aspect of this is people having some sense
that they are away from the things that cause them pain or concern. Here they
need educators and the other people in the setting to treat them with respect,
to be tolerant, and to give them room. An important feature of this is for
educators to acknowledge people’s pain and difficulties, but not to push and
prod. Sanctuary doesn’t involve sweeping issues under the carpet, but rather
creating the conditions so that people can talk when they are ready. This often
involves educators in treading a fine line between quietness and encouraging conversation.
Often powerful feelings are contained because people feel they are with someone
who is safe, who will not condemn them for the emotions they are experiencing
or the things they have done. This brings us squarely to the person and
disposition of the educator.
Informal educators may be specially
trained and paid to work with individuals and groups, or they may be an
educator by virtue of the relationships they have. Parents, for example, often
teach their children, or join with them in ‘learning’ conversations. This
involves them in establishing and maintaining a role as an educator. However,
this is often more easily said than achieved. Many professional informal
educators, for example, operate in settings where they have to work very hard
at being recognized first and foremost as educators. The agency may well employ
them as, say, a key worker within a hostel or day center. As such they may well
be drawing upon an understanding of a role derived from social work or care
management. Similar conflicts can arise within youth work, community
development and other agencies. There is a further struggle in terms of working
with the project participant or client. They may well come to the group or the
setting not recognizing it as an educational setting. For example, they may
have wanted to take part in a particular activity or interest such as a sport
or some sort of creative arts. Deepening their abilities in football, say, may
well be part of their agenda, but they may well not see the worker in the group
as an educator. What we have here is a classic question of role. The educator
is seeking to establish themselves in that role – and they need that role to be
accepted by others if they are to function.
The fact that someone is prepared
to ‘share’ our worries and concerns, to be with us when we are working at something can be very significant.
It can reduce the feeling that we are alone and that the tasks we face are so
huge. Their pleasure in our achievements or concern for our hurt can motivate
us to act. Crucially, their valuing of us as people can help us to discover the
worth in ourselves, and the belief that we can change things. Relationships can
animate, breathe life
into situations.
Relationships are obviously not
all that we need. It is not at all a substitute for the opportunities and
material things people need in order to flourish. But it is an essential
accompanying condition, ‘because it is the nourisher and mover of the human
being’s wish and will to use the resources provided and the powers within
himself to fulfil his personal and social-well-being.’
Conclusion
In
summary, what does relationships do for an adult educator? It allows a person
to flourish and grow. You learn a lot about a person when being in a
relationship. It involves a connection with another person. When in a
relationship you get a sense of a person and you also feel acquainted to that
person, when you are in a relationship with them. Educators
should not just concerned with the way in which one individual relates to
another, they should also look to group and the life of the association. In
other words, their concern with relationship isn’t an individual affair. It
links to a concern to work so that all may share in a common life.
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Table
1 Summary of Literature Review
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Idea
1 Education for relationships
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Idea
2 Relationship through education
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Idea
3 Fundamentals for relationships
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Idea
4 Relationships are not all that people need
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References
Lawson, Karen (2009). The
Trainers Handbook.Q
Mackeracher, Dorothy
(2004). Making Sense of Adult Learning.
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